It's Really Just Me.

Hey Everyone,

I really guess maybe I should apologize for the lack of posting since I have began nursing school, but boy if this isn't the most intense thing I have ever had to deal with in my life....

I am doing ok, keeping up just fine...it is just A LOT while trying to work full time. It obviously would be said even if I weren't working full time that it is a lot. Not so much hard as of yet, just a lot.

I am going through some pretty crazy emotional struggles at this time in my life, that I think that be arising from so many conceptual chapters in school about our level of needs and taking care of ourselves and others physically and emotionally....prioritizing.

Being the severe codependent that I am, I have such a hard time with this issue. I have NEVER been able to just focus on taking care of myself. Why can't I just take all the time that I spend worrying about others, or wondering about others workout + eating regimes, their lives and crazy drama etc, etc and bottle it all up and give it to myself and say "hey, here are those extra several hours a day that you waste worrying about others, take it and make a meal plan for the day and go for a run, do some yoga, read your bible and get centered for once"

This is whining, isn't it?

Well really, why can't I? I have been learning so much about how you cannot properly take care of yourself if you haven't begun to take care of yourself....physically AND emotionally. I am not saying that all health care professionals have to be perfectly emotionally stable and have a tip top shape, but I feel that I am not going to be able to deliver the best care possible if I am not coming from a good place of peace and confidence in what I am doing, and at least be on the better side of the road towards a tip top state of health, in the very least on the inside.

I want so many very simple things in my life, that NO ONE has any control over, but me. Why is it that I can have such an amazing plan and just not do it? I build something up in my mind so big, that it seems way to huge to climb over....and so there I sit at the bottom of the mountain with my little plan in my hand, wondering why I can't get to the next step.

So then what happens?

I start to focus outward...why is my husband eating that for dinner? why is my mother in law eating that? Why didn't my husband go to the gym today....

When all I need to do is to put a mirror in front of them all, and my problem will present itself in clear form.

Right there all along....

It's really just me.

I am my problem.

I am my mountain.

I am my fear.

I am my obstacle.

And then we come full circle friends...

I then am the answer.

I have GOT to cut this RIGHT NOW, or if I ever have children, this lack of self care will only get worse. I am not only talking about weight, but eating choices, activity choices, coping mechanisms, emotional swings, low self esteem, low confidence levels....blah, blah, blah.

I don't want to pass this state of mind on to someone else.

What do you do to try and insure that you are taking care of yourself daily? Do you struggle with this?

Uncomfortable Comfort

Hi Readers,

Well, I passed my blood pressure check today! Thanks for all the positive vibes being sent my way!

Today I just want to ask you guys for a favor. I have a habit....a bad one. Well, don't we all? And I know that I have more than one, so whatever on that one.

I actually really love to eat in my car and listen to books on CD. I love suspenseful fiction, the kind that make me want to sit inside my car and not get out even though I have made it home safely already. The problem does not lie in this part though...it's in what I am eating. I seriously feel that I have an addiction to fast food. Now, let's set the background straight here first: I eat regular healthy meals on a day to day basis, but there are certain times throughout the week (when the anxiety is high and school/work is stressing me out!!!) that I actually will have that healthier alternative inside the car, inside a lunch box with me, and still stop at Arby's for mozzarella sticks, or a Mexican restaurant for steak quesadillas, or sometimes my husband and I will actually choose to get pizza on a Friday night when I very well could just get up and make something from our overflowing refrigerator and cabinets of healthy foods. 

source

I question constantly WHY I still choose to eat these foods. It is not that I feel guilty for not making a healthier choice, I just don't physically feel as good after I eat out. Well, I take that back, now that I am in nursing school, I feel a little bit of guilt, but in a different way. I feel guilt more in a way that speaks to my heart for not taking care of my insides better now that I am seeing all of the things that go wrong when you don't choose better more often. I will speak for myself and I know that not everyone even has healthy habits that read blogs, but majority of the blogs promote the healthier choices in eating habits. My telling you this is to say that I am CHOOSING these foods sometimes because I genuinely just want them, and I question EVERY SINGLE TIME after I eat it. So for all of you folks who want to comment that I am whining and that I should just say no to myself, I get that completely. My main concern is in  the actual why do I even want the garbage to begin with?  I am not sure completely if I am binging or what. Sometimes yes, I feel like I am, and that  mostly stems from being so super stressed out, that my most comforting thing: eating comfy foods in my car while the cops are chasing the bad guys on my stereo, seems to be the only thing that calms me down. I cannot run far enough yet to feel some sort of runner's high, so to tell you the truth, my exercising is still mostly doing it because I know I should. I NEVER feel good after I eat fast food. I always feel too full even if I don't finish it all. I always get heartburn and indigestion. I always feel generally yucky and disgusting after. My mind knows that I feel so much better when I eat homemade, smaller portioned, well rounded nutritionally meals throughout the day....but my mind craves the drive thru. I have yet to decipher whether or not it is actually the food or the sitting in my car, or the combination of both. I will tell you that eating an apple in my car and listening to my books is not the same at all!!!

So what do you guys think?! Assess my problem! :-) Do you guys have any tips on how to get past the cravings of greasy food?

Thanks for reading,

Monique

09.07.11: Thank You

Hi Readers,

Well I sure didn't plan on posting tonight amidst drowning in medical abbreviations and range of motion vocabulary terms, but I literally could not help myself. 

I just wanted to say thank you for reading yesterday's post and to those of you who commented. It really warmed my heart, and made me feel like it is ok to proceed in that manner of posting with my truest heart of hearts postings.

Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind words. I could literally feel the warmth as I read the comments. It blew me away really. 

source

Today was just a regular old day for me. I am actually free of classes on Wednesdays, but not really due to all of the studying that must occur on Wednesdays!

I am trying very hard to get back into some sort of exercise routine like I had before, but alas, it takes time and a lot of effort to keep going when it hurts and you are out of breath. SOOOO....I will persevere and continue to try to SLOWLY increase the mileage with running. I have been focusing a lot more on lifting weights all summer, and have been enjoying that tremendously. However, this is not the best way to see the scale go down (in my opinion). More on the scale matters in a later post....Running makes me feel amazing afterwards....and I will admit, sometimes during I feel pretty dang great as well. I also did a little yoga tonight to help calm my mind and stretch my crazy tight muscles. I really need to relax before tomorrow's first exam in one of my classes, as well as a recheck on my blood pressure. I know that it's fine, I just have to relax.

I hope you all are having a wonderful week!

You guys are so great :-)

Thanks for reading,

Monique

Here Goes Nothin'...

Hi Readers...

Sorry for the long and wordy post....but I needed to do this...

I am writing today because I truly need to get some stuff off my chest in the worst way. I need you to know some things before you continue to read my blog...if anyone out there is still reading...

I started blogging awhile ago because it looked like so much fun. For awhile, it really was....until I started trying to be like other bloggers, that is. Then all the fun was drained away, and it became more and more like a chore. I was...and still kinda am...afraid to blog about what is really going on inside my mind and internal life for that matter.

Then Lisa wrote a post that changed it all for me...literally. 

source

When I began blogging, it REALLY helped me lose some weight (a good amount) that I had been trying to lose for awhile. I loved the accountability of it all. Really in essence, that was all. But if you are going to be writing so many things about what is going on in your life, it becomes pretty difficult to ignore the tough stuff if your heart is so full of it.

I hide my blog from my family, and what very few friends that I have, because mainly most people in my life circle still do not even know what a blog is...let alone understand why I would put so much private information on the internet. I hide it because my intention was to eventually release more of my horrible inner thoughts and feelings out there...in hopes that maybe someone would understand what I am going through and would offer some coping mechanisms as to how they deal with it....up until now, I was still just afraid to. 

The most awesome girls on the internet EVER, Lisa and Tina have REALLLLLY made an impact on me as a person lately, showing me that it really is ok to be honest and open and really to truly be more comfortable in my own skin. I am so very far from this, to say in the least, but they really have helped me see that there is much to be said about being open and honest and allowing that to help you to be more comfortable in your own skin and also deal with issues that are going on inside. I will forever be grateful to their blogging. 

I have been sporadic in my blogging because a)nursing school has completely taken over my life and b)everything...and I do mean everything...that consumes my thoughts on a daily basis, I question whether or not I should blog about it. I do not eat healthy every minute of everyday. I do not exercise everyday. I do not do fantastic fun things on a daily basis. I cannot afford to eat awesome new organic foods everyday....or run 20 miles....or go to various events....I am just me, and that's all I got, folks.

I seriously let that scare me away from blogging and using it in the way that I want: a tool for mental release, and maybe make some friends along the way. I have to remind myself of that in order to even get going on a post sometimes.

I want (and pretty much need) some kind of support system, and I see so many people connecting through the amazing circle of healthy living blogs and it draws me in. Sometimes I feel like I will find my "internet soul sister" through blogging like some others have made such close friends....and then I feel ridiculous for thinking that. I don't know why, I just do.

You see, it's not the internet that is stopping me from "finding an internet soul sister"...it's me.

I have not been diagnosed by a doctor formally, I just know what I feel. Depression: yes, anxiety: not as of yet.

I have severe anxiety, pretty much all the time as it relates to people and specifically relationships with people. Oddly enough, I do not have problems in a man/woman type relationship....just those relationships that require me to be liked by the other person (such as in a friendship) or requiring some type of approval from the other person (such as in teacher/student or boss/employee).

source

I don't know how to actually describe the actual cycle of feelings, emotions and high levels of anxiety that I go through, but let me tell you...it's rough.

I guess I can go ahead and give you the background on this to help you understand more....I CANNOT believe I am doing this...but alas, you will never be able to deal with those things that you are not able to confront and fully face...

(sigh)

I was sexually abused as a child (wow...I can't believe I just typed that out in real words for all of the internet world to see...), and from many therapy sessions and books, I have learned that this leads to an irrational inability to have healthy relationships, constituting being codependent, and usually leads to having a pretty severe problem with people pleasing....and needing to do it all the time, and dealing with it in the most unhealthy ways when the pleasing doesn't turn out the right way, and also feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough for you or anyone else. It can lead to self destructive behavior (I have the cutting marks from when I was younger on my arm and a pretty scarred body from years of having a severe problem puncturing my acne to prove it) and  like overeating or the undereating (hello bulimia in high school, binge eating and gaining 70 lbs after highschool) and also in my case, antisocial issues (cue reasons I have zero friends). Being treated like an object at such a young age just leads to an enormous pile of nasty unwanted psychological and emotional issues...that take a VERY long time to resolve. I will tell you that I am honestly still dealing with them all. So from this, I can say that feelings of intense nervousness and anxiety levels are high, and my self worth, body image, confidence, etc are pretty much ridiculously nonexistent.

source

So I say all this to say that I want so very badly to blog....I do it in my head everyday. Then I realize that blogging is hard because I can't be honest and open like I want. So why go on and on about some fake stuff when that's truly not at all what is real in my heart at the time?

So I think that form now on, I am simply going to blog about whatever I am feeling, whenever I am feeling it...as scary as that sounds, I need to get it out of my head.

I needed to get this out because my anxiety, depressed thoughts and poor confidence are affecting my life in the most terrible way right now. I want to cry just thinking about it...nursing school. I have been taking my prerequisites for TEN YEARS just to be able to get into the program, and I WILL NOT allow my past to determine my future. I just won't. If it's one thing that I have learned from nursing school so far, it's that you have to be confident in what you are learning. I cannot continuously doubt myself when taking care of a patient, or constantly wonder if my clinical group likes me or not, if my instructor thinks I am stupid, and lose sleep and hyperventilate over all of this crazy nonsense! I have worked so damn hard to get to this point, I will not let myself ruin my future. Today, I had a wake up call when my teacher was testing me on blood pressure and I said the wrong number out loud. She was obviously listening also, so she could tell me if I was wrong or right. Nerves were obviously the culprit here, which some may say is normal. However, the ridiculous outpouring of negative verbal abuse, tears and almost hyperventilation that I gave to myself that lasted for almost 4 hours...is not normal. My goodness, I am getting another go at it on Thursday, so what's the big deal??? I can say that now...but I wasted 4 whole hours to get to that point.

source

I am ready to face this once and for all. I know I can do this. I have dealt with so much more in life than I ever thought I could handle....but with God's help, I did. 

source

So just in typing all this and seeing it so much more clear out in words, I feel so much better already.

Please, I would just ask that in knowing what I have just told you about how sensitive and emotionally unstable (seriously) I feel, please just choose your words carefully. I understand that by putting this out there I am opening myself up to any and everything anybody has to say, but please be kind. I would ask that you could somehow just open up your heart and be there for a stranger, if not...no comment is completely fine. Just for today, realize that someone right next to you could be going through some pretty hard stuff that is driving how they are dealing with everyday life.

Though there is (unfortunately) MUCH more where this came from, but this is all I can emotionally handle today. 


Thanks for reading,
Monique

"less words" Wednesday

This definitely symbolizes my stress eating at it's finest.

Are you a stress eater?

Hope you're having a great week!!!

Happy Humpday =)

08.23.11

So....as you may know, I started school yesterday. Well, I had this totally cute post planned and took pictures all day long! Somehow they formatted incorrectly and I will have to change them all to work on my blog, since they were all taken with my IPhone. I simply do not have time for that as of yet....I have not come to a break! I am still getting page after page of crazy syllabus material, emails and lecture podcasts. So I will have to redo Day One on another day. Oh well....

Even though I may feel like this today...

source

I simply MUST maintain composure, and ignore my doubts and fears...

source

Relax, girl and breathe....

source

And then there is always...

source

Tell me: how is your week going? And yes, I wanna know the regular old mundane...just chat!

Many Blessings, 

Monique

Today, I'm focusing on....

source

...gratitude.

08.18.11

There are days like today when I have to question what the hell is really wrong with me?

Do you ever ask yourself that?

I have to just blog from the heart. I do not have an inspirational message to give on a daily basis, workout tips or a success story to share.

I most certainly feel like someday my goals that I am working on will be achieved, and maybe then I can give somebody some tips on something...but not today.

I have no idea what is going on inside of me from day to day. Most days I feel like the self doubt is going to take over my entire existence and I will be completely consumed by it like a fire rolling through a tunnel.

I wish somebody could come and take that part of me away. I wish they could just cut that part out of me and burn it in that damn tunnel....along with the fat off my belly.

I wish I could say something to brighten your day...something a little less whiney and self pitying...but I can't.

There are people and situations out there that happen that are so very terrible...so, so bad...Twenty somethings getting cancer, spouses and children passing away suddenly, people losing their jobs...

Do you ever feel so guilty that your problem isn't nearly as bad as someone else's, like somehow the knowledge of people and their (much worse) problems should somehow help you forget about yours?

Well, that only makes me feel even worse about myself.

I have to simply remind myself that in life...it is hard, it always will be and that's that. Every problem is relative to the eye of the beholder and therefore it's all simply about perspective.

I told you this wouldn't be pretty, and I'm sorry for that. I will leave you with a parting gift! A pic of my new sweet pup. He has become so precious to me, and makes me smile everyday. Enjoy.

Survey Says...

 

Ok folks...my oldies!

What d'ya say???

Weigh-Ins again?

Yay or Nay?

...and yes there will be a very long informational (read: long and boring) post about where I am at with this. 

Take a vote!

08.16.11

source

Today marked the first of many orientations through a hospital in my lifetime, I am sure. There were so many senior students roaming around with their already worn in scrubs and crowns of knowledge. I on the otherhand....completely freaked out. So much so that after it was all over I practically ran to my car, hyperventilating the whole way and called my husband sobbing from overwhelming fear. I was overwhelmed and nervous and literally really, REALLY scared. I was listening to all the silly and yet amazingly true (I'm sure of it) rumors that the older students were talking about. They were telling everyone that at least a third of each and every class failed and did not make it to the next level. This knowledge truly astounds me. I mean, it takes SO MUCH, I mean really so freaking much to get in...how then can so many fail???

It is literally baffling to me, to say in the least.

I just gotta pull myself out of this, and remind myself that I did not work at a miserable job for the past 11 1/2 years of my life to put myself to prerequisites and beat out several hundred other students for a seat in this program.

I can do this. I know it.

(sigh)

Just breathe, Monique....

T minus 6 days.

Hello out there...anybody home?

Hi everyone! Wow, has it been awhile, or what?! I am just here to let you know that I will be blogging again pretty soon here, and as you can see it will be under a new blog name! (I will explain later...) I have been pretty intense here with summer school and that will soon end, and I will have an amazing 6 weeks of awesome freedom. There has been a lot of different things going on over here, emotionally, physically and weight loss wise of course. I wasn't going to blog at all ever again, but I genuinely missed the journal aspect of it all, and feeling like there is always someone out there who understands what I am going through with certain things.

That being said...

This blog will change to a more journal format, where I will journal my way through nursing school. That's right folks, I GOT IN!!!! I start at the end of August. I am nervous, excited and terrified all at once. This explains the new blog name of Scrubs and Squash. Scrubs for the nursing school part, and Squash for the fact that I will be doing my very best to continue to eat healthy choices in an effort to not gain any of the weight back that I lost. Yes, that's another update. I have not been on a scale in quite awhile (because I was driving myself nuts), and even though I have not been doing an all out effort on the weight loss front, I have maintained what I have lost. I have not reached my goal, but not gaining back has been a plus for me. I will continue until I reach my goal, and whenever it happens that will be great.I am debating whether or not I want to weigh in on here or not. We'll see. I guess I just can't make the promise of such a strict schedule time wise with school and all.


SOOOOOO.....

The other thing is my profile. Some of you may notice that my profile name has changed, or that you cannot link to my blog, I don't know what is up with that. Or why some of my comments are being deleted. I think my account is acting funny from the change? We'll see if I can figure all that out!!! 

Who is still out there?! I have been trying to keep up with your blogs as much as I could, but I would love to know how you all are doing.

So, I hope this isn't gonna be too boring, but yes, this is gonna be a very different kinda blog than it was before. I was so pressured to write certain things and follow trends, but now I just need some support to continue my healthy habits, and most of all some support through this nursing school thing!

Please give me some time here in the next couple weeks as I change up the sidebars, updating everything and such.

I would love for some of you come along for the ride...

Monique

I am so sorry, but I have to do this....

Dear Readers,

There comes a time when you feel so strongly about something that even though you don't want to do it, you know deep down in your heart that you must.

Over the past few months, due in part to you wonderful people who follow, support and encourage me with each post, I have dramatically changed. Believe me when I say dramatically.

You see, for several years of my life I have been absolutely miserable to say in the least. I have always felt like I was never good enough, less than everyone else and completely undeserving of happiness in my life. As if that was how it should be. Miserable childhood = miserable adulthood, right? I sat there making a post back in December of how unhappy I was at my weight and how I knew that I needed to do something, and that something was obviously to stop feeding my emotions with unhealthy choices for food and being inactive on a daily basis. You know how you know you need to do something, you know exactly what that is, but you just...don't.

Lately I have been on an amazingly good stretch (for me) of losing every week on the scale. In almost 8 weeks, I have lost almost 20 lbs. This you guys have seen. What you have not seen is how I am changing emotionally with every passing day.

I feel amazing. I feel like I am a new person when it comes to this. I love running, and am doing so great about doing it every week. My body as well as my mind are just responding to my eating habits and workouts like I couldn't have dreamed.

What you haven't been seeing is the way that I am every week on the scale. I no longer am so overjoyed by the number going down...or even the awesome way that all my clothes are now loose and I have had to buy a few new medium things....the difference is I feel like I am flying after a workout is done. I feel like I can do anything. Anything. I feel so wonderful when my whole body and mind is relaxed and at ease when I complete a 45 minute yoga session alone at home in the comfort of my own home. It's just so awesome.

The problem that has come into view is on my mind everyday when I wake up. I do not like the way I feel when I am on the internet, facebooking, twittering, reading blogs and sometimes even blogging myself. I really actually do not like the craze in marketing with social networking, to me it's sort of stressful. Let me explain....

Awhile back I deleted my Facebook account. (yes, I know gasp in shock and horror) Somehow, I do not know how, I have become this person who needs to know what everyone else is doing, when and why. It was giving me a weird surge to know all the juicy drama and gossip in other people's lives...Facebook friends and celebrity gossip alike. Don't get me wrong, I know that I am not the only person in the world who is like this. I just learned a loooong time ago during a sermon that if it convicts you, then maybe it's a problem for you personally. It doesn't have to be everyone else's issue.

Please, please, please friends DO NOT take this as my judging you. I am speaking from my heart here.

The problem with me knowing every little tiny detail of everyone's life is that I often get frustrated with other people's decisions. In reality, why should I even care about what someone else is doing? I have NO CONTROL over anyone else's actions. None at all. But I become codependent and feel all these feelings...which in turn then stress me out. I do not, DO NOT have time in my life to dwell on other people's lives and their decisions. Someone once told me "if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, then you won't have time to worry about anybody else and what they're doing"  I was spending waaay too much time on Facebook, so away the Facebook went.

Recently I got accepted into a publisher program that I was really proud of, and I had to reactivate my account for them. I thought, here we go...

Very quickly the stalkerish tendencies began, looking at the photos, reading the statuses, getting upset by family drama...etc. You get the point.

I then quickly thought to myself what am I doing here again? Then I realized that I recently had just replaced one soothing/procrastinating mechanism with another: blogging.

For me...it has become the exact same thing. I don't really need to know what someone else has eaten for breakfast...even if it is the same sort of thing everyday. I am so grateful for the things that I have learned from reading all my blogs, but once something has started to make me feel guilty watching the hours tick away while I am doing it, it has to be taken down a notch.

I think that by working out and being in control of what is going in my mouth that I have come to connect with my real feelings instead of hiding from them. I feel like I waste sooooo much time constantly checking blogs, checking my page for comments, stats and page loads, when in reality I am burning valuable time in my life.  I could be reading my precious Bible that has been collecting dust, focusing more on my form in yoga, focusing more on stretching after a run as opposed to hurrying to blog about it, actually keeping up with my end of the bargain with chores around my house, or better yet: I could be studying SO MUCH MORE for my nursing school entrance exam.

Again, please do not take this as offensive towards any of you.

I simply cannot keep up with the pace of my blog as it is growing at this point, and study. If I did not have classes, I would be just fine working and blogging. But really I need to take care of my mind. When something that you once loved so much starts to become a thief of joy and is a new stressor, it is time to take a step back and maybe reevaluate things. This blog is about me finding the courage to change, right? This is a huge step for me in realizing that I need to take better care of my mental state.

I love you all with all my heart. You guys have been so amazing, really. But I realize so much more about myself after I do an amazing run outside and really just do not have time to blog about it, I just feel great, and that has become enough for me. I can't stretch myself to blog and study, and clean, and work, and spend time with my poor husband who I feel is suffering from my consuming hobby the most.

It is SOOOO important to me that I become a nurse. I need to focus more on studying for this entrance exam and taking care of my mind in that regard. I have invested a lot of years into taking prereqs, and that needs to be number one right now. 

So I am officially taking a break. At least until my TEAS exam is over in a couple months, and I can come to some sort of better strategy for dealing with blogging and school. I will still take pics of my scale every week and share them when my break is over, but I feel that if I do not make this a complete true break, I will be tempted to go into my google reader again just from posting my weigh-ins. So when I do resume blogging, I will share those with all of you.

Good luck with all of your PCOS and weight loss journeys! You all are in my heart and on my mind always.


Thanks for reading,
Monique

Take a moment, guys...

"I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." ~Anna Quindlen.

Hey guys, over here trying to enjoy my day, mentally relax and be grateful for my blessings amidst all my things I "must" do today.

I am grateful for the peaceful reassurance that I have been feeling that no matter what is happening or will happen...I am ok. Just that. It has been really floating me along everyday. I am so grateful for that.

What thoughts get you through stressful times?

Happy Sunday guys & gals! Hope your weekend is bringing smiles to your faces. It's snowing again here (booo). What's the weather like where you are??

Weigh-In #7

Hey Guys!

Had a decent week with more rest days than I planned, but when rest calls…I must answer! Here is my weigh in for this week:

Pretty good. I hope you guys had a great week!

Thanks for reading,
  Monique

Goodmorning Guys! Happy Friday to all you Mon-Fri workers. Have a good day!

Three Things Thursday

I loved this idea as well as Wordless Wednesdays, so I'm borrowing them! These posts have been so fun! So here goes: 

1. Someone at work asked me if I wanted a slice of leftover pizza from their lunch….that was inside a box…inside their mailbox…from 4 hours ago….really?

2.I recently bought a Garmin Forerunner 305!!!! These babies are normally over $300! I spotted it on Amazon for $128! I know, I know...I am not a really good, all the time runner yet, but I hope to be one and I definitely could part with my precious allowance for a deal like this! It is AWESOME! You'll be sure to see updates from my runs with this baby!

3. I am stressed to the max with school, waiting to take this entrance exam for nursing school, and wanting to just know what the next 6 months of my life hold for me because my husband and my plans are centered on whether or not I get in!!!! Boo. Patience is a virtue, a muscle that gets stronger with practice, right? Right!

I need to be more like these guys and relax and snuggle.

 

Thanks for reading,
  Monique

Note to Self: Monique...compliments are nice, but you are still overweight. Let them motivate your butt to the gym today. You still have almost 40lbs to lose!

Wordless Wednesday

Work Related Shenanigans...

Hey Guys!

I hope you guys had a great Valntine's Day. I spent mine sleeping off my shift and in Statistics in the evening for 3 hours...missing my husband of course. I am excited though, because we have a "staycation" planned soon!

Last night at work was quite exhausting as usual after a holiday for me in retail. You see, what you guys may not always know is that at the beginning of a holiday season, that amazingly beautiful aisle full of Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day stuff is stocked (and restocked and restocked), then there is the aftermath of when it is all over!!!!


It begins with the lovely displays and you feel like you are suffocating in the particular holiday cheer of the moment....

Then you find yourself with this the next day to clean up and clearance!!! Fun, fun!!! It's tough because sometimes we move onto the next holiday so fast that the last one has not fully ended and you feel like your life is flashing before your eyes with the constant changes and moves throughout the year.

When I get into work, most times I find this wonderful display of treats and fast food that everyone from the day has eaten and it's kind of tough not to just have a bite. Literally because even though they compliement me on looking thinner, they still offer things...which is nice, just hard to say no when I'm tired.
So last night's treat was this yummy bag of puppy chow...for humans that is....chocolate, buttery sugared covered chex mix. Never had it? Thank your luck your lucky stars because it is like crack.

After the other day when they brought it and I said no politely...they had to bring an even bigger bag two days later. No I am sure this was not on purpose. Yes I know that the world does not revolve around me, and others are allowed to have their tasty treats. This time though, I said ok, what the heck and had a handful. 



I decided that I had been going strong for quite awhile and I would just go home and look it up and adjust my calories later. I knew it would be awful, so I just dealt with it and moved on. It tasted so good, and that was that. Right? Right.

Puppy Chow Calories

I obviously still had plenty of awsome healthy treats to devour for the rest of the night! This one is my latest favorite

How do you deal with temptation at work? How do you adjust your calories for having eaten something not on plan?