Getting Serious

Good morning!

So, you guys know that I have been running. You guys know that it is my dream to “be a runner”. Well, I have been prepping on the treadmill for about the last…hmmmm…well 6-8 weeks or so? I can now run for 2 miles straight at a slow speed. When I want to go faster, I take a 2 minute walk break, but for the most part, I’m not that fast. To me, this journey is not a sprint, it is just that: a journey, a marathon that never ends. So I really don’t care how fast I am going as of yet, I am in NO RUSH to run a marathon…although I am thinking for my 30th birthday, 3 years from now….hmmmm……You know, to be quite honest, it’s almost harder to go slow on the treadmill. To me it seems easier to go a little faster. I don’t know, you kinda float when it’s faster. I don’t know, what do I know, I’m no athlete and DO NOT want to get injured!
Anyways, something I didn’t mention yesterday in my post about the 7 things about me is that I try to find the deals and try to stick to a budget. My husband and I have an allowance system that has been working out pretty well since we’ve been married. I opted to save my allowance every week for a specific purpose: to buy myself new clothes when I get down to a better size! I always sit here in front of my computer and think how I cannot afford all these fancy running clothes to wear outside. They are SO expensive! And I DO NOT like to spend my allowance on anything…almost nothing really at all! So when I came home with a huge bag and told my husband that I spent my own money on myself, he was floored. He knew that I was getting serious. That reaction gave me a great feeling.

So guess what guys!? I found the clearance rack at Kohl’s! Check out what I got! I am getting ready to run outside, did u hear that??? I am going to RUN OUTSIDE!!! It is WAY to nipply outside right now for me, but I got all this gear so that I can start running next month and be a little adjusted by the summer to do some fun races!

Here’s the plan for my outside suit. It is in order of how I will wear it. If you’re a runner, I am SO open to advice. Please give me the advice actually…

These are leggings that I already own.

I will wear this on top of my leggings. They have an extra layer or something inside. I bought an extra large so they could fit nicely over the leggings.

This will be my base layer on top. I fit into a MEDIUM!!!! :)

This is a wicking fabric hoodie. It feels smooth and velvety....

This is a double layered type outer layer.  It feels smooth and velvety also for some reason, even though it does not need to be wicking fabric...or does it? Don't care! Just love it!

 

So awesome, right? You checkin out those deals?! The whole outfit was right around $50 with tax! I was literally glowing when I got in my car, and THAT feeling NEVER comes after spending money!

I am scared and nervous about the cold and of it being so much harder that I simply cannot do it and of getting injured and of looking like an idiot….I could go on forever…

But guess what folks?

I am going to do it anyway. 

This Wednesday I am going to take my first trip to the running store to get fitted for correct shoes, and while I am there I will buy a good hat, gloves and socks for the winter. I AM OVER THE TOP EXCITED!!!!!

First things first: BIO exam today! OH! I finally officially applied for the nursing program for this Fall. Application has been sent. Please pray for me. I am so full of anxiety and worry. I wasn't even going to announce it on here, but I figure that you guys will be there for me if I don't get in this time, right? :(

It's a long process and I still have to take my admissions exam in a few weeks. I still won't know for a few weeks after that. So obviously me and my type A control freak personality is not handling this waiting very well. 

**sigh**

I just have to keep focusing on my weight loss, as it has been a huge distraction for me lately with calorie counting and gym time being so time consuming....and studying for that dang entrance exam. I'll be ok.

P.S. I am so aggravated with my movement page! Yes folks, I have been working out! Almost everyday in fact! Check out my sidebar for updates. I just can’t seem to get my February page to work. It sucks, I gotta figure something out, that was so motivating to me :(


Thanks for Reading,
  Monique

Everybody Dies, Not Everybody Lives

(I am still trying to figure out how to do a good video, but my feelings right now are too good not to blog about, you’ll see…)

I am sitting here icing my shins and my left ankle (because of my prior Achilles tendonitis last summer) feeling good and quite emotional….

I am sitting here wondering what I have let hold me back from being happy for so freaking long since I left home at 17….

I am sitting here feeling so alive, like I can achieve anything that I put my mind to…..
 

Folks…

I jogged at a 4.0 speed today at the gym for 46 minutes and 10 seconds and a total of 3.1 miles without stopping for walk breaks.

This may not be fast for some, but I don’t care.

This may not be far for some, but I don’t care about that either.

It may not be outside yet (because it is 25 degrees here), but I still don’t care.

My dream is coming true, and I am doing it for myself….a dream that no one can give me, do for me or buy me:

I am running.

 

For years I have sat back and read Runner’s World magazine, listened to people’s running stories, and most recently reading blogs about people and their marathons. You see, I used to run in high school on the soccer team, but I was the goalie….watching longingly at people who were running around the field covered in sweat, but still going. I had to do my share before games, during practice, but at age 15 and 120lbs, running a mile or two is like a joke really.

I started running outside last summer, but not very consistently and no stretching was involved….I quickly injured myself, and in my mind was put back in the goalie box again.

Last month I started back jogging on the treadmill sporadically, and last week I went at it like crazy, taking all my advice I had stored up to heart…taking a day in between to cross train on another machine, doing leg strength training, lots and LOTS of stretching and some yoga.

Today I went into the gym with the same thing on my mind as I have had for the last 14 days or so….just get this crap done.

I got into the locker room, went into my gym bag and frantically almost had a heart attack when I couldn’t find my IPod. It is treadmill day, and I cannot ENDURE the pain without the tunes. Finally I find it, dredge through my push weight routine first….cuz Jillian says that you burn more fat if you strength train first is what is going through my head…so finally I hop on the treadmill and a thought crosses my mind. I’ve got some time today, so why don’t I do more than 30 minutes like I did the other day when I had time and did 40 minutes? Then another thought crossed my mind, why don’t I forget about time today and practice for that 5K I want to do in the Spring? I know that they say the treadmill is easier, but for now, who cares? I just want to see how long it takes me inside to walk/run it so that I can gauge what it will take outside to run the entire thing, because that is my goal.

So I start of jogging at a 4.0 speed, which yes is still running to me. I was definitely not strolling along Park Avenue….I was sweating. I started off running thinking, well I’m sure as heck not gonna WALK the first 5 minutes at a public race, now am I? So let’s pretend like it’s race day and see what you got!

I keep going, thinking “oh this running is gonna end soon, cuz I didn’t even do my 2-3 minute walk warm up to the Biggest Loser theme song”.

A mile goes by…..and I think, “oh, I’m ok…wow…I’M OK!”

So I keep running.

And another mile goes by….and I think, “FLOCK OF SHEEP! I JUST RAN TWO MILES WITHOUT STOPPING!”

I know this amazing feeling is about to end soon, so I just keep saying to myself “Monique, just put one foot down at at a time to the beat of the music…”

Then the mind games began….
The last mile was so, SO H.A.R.D.
But I keep running…

It was almost like a fairy tale really, or like some out of body experience. Guys, this gym gal just isn’t me. I don’t push hard, I quit. This is the truth. I have been quitting things as an adult for so many years that I don’t even know what it is like to accomplish something, genuinely accomplish something on my own….for only me and no one else.

The dream like part was how the songs came on timed so perfectly.

I remember Bobbi from NHerShoes saying how when she ran the Chicago Marathon this past fall, and it was getting tough, the song by Fort Miner came on and helped push her through. I remember reading the words to that song and promptly downloading it on my IPod. That very same song came on at the beginning of my last mile, as my legs felt like lead, and I really REALLY wanted to stop. No joke. I couldn’t believe how perfectly it was timed, I smiled, thanked God out loud and kept running.
 

“This is 10% luck, 

20% skill, 

15% concentrated power of will, 

5% pleasure, 

50% pain,

and 100% reason to remember the name” 

I had to really talk to myself during the last half mile. I remember reading  a blog of someone who had just ran an ultra marathon. (Yep, you read that right: and ultra marathon. I’ll let you go ahead and guess how long that is, cuz who cares how long it is? Anybody who runs an ULTRAMARATHON in my book should get a street named after them.)

She had pictures on her blog of some of the signs that were posted throughout the course. My absolute favorite was this one:

“It hurts up to a certain point, then it doesn’t hurt anymore”

So I repeated that until the screen said 46:10 and 3.1 miles complete.

I know, this is dramatic, but lemme have my moment folks!

I didn’t care how many calories I burned. I didn’t care how disgusting and sweaty I was. I didn’t even care that my frizzy natural curls made me look like Fragglerock. I literally wiped a few tears from my eyes, and completely did not care who was watching. 

I have never, ever felt a feeling like that before in my life. 

The only moment that has ever came close to that was when my husband told me that I was his best friend.

As the cool down started, these lyrics sang out in my ears from Nelly Furtado: 

“You're beautiful, and that’s for sure…you’ll never, ever fade”

Then I just couldn’t wait to get to my cell phone to tell my best friend. 

So when I got in the car, believe it or not, a song that I had never heard before came on the radio before I turned on my customary audiobook, and given the author of the lyrics, I am sure the rest of the song will most definitely not fit, for a few sure stuck out for me as Drake rapped on:

“Everybody dies, not everybody lives….”

Wow. So true, right? I really felt in that moment on the treadmill that I had not really been living. I have so much pain in my life from my childhood. So much that I hold back the tears right now as I type. I have so much regret from my early adult years, so much…..just so much emotional garbage holding me back from ever feeling happy…REALLY happy. 

That moment on the treadmill was IT for me. 

 

I felt like….WOW I can….I CAN MAKE MYSELF HAPPY. 

What a revelation that all I have to do is make myself happy….

WOW.

I don’t have to wait for an apology, a payback, a pregnancy, a degree, a house or whatever else. That happiness is right in there, ready to be apart of my daily life….and I’m ready to let it. 

Life is NOT waiting on me to live it. Time just keeps going without me ever experiencing any amazing moments for myself. 

Today, I pushed myself to run farther and longer than I ever have, and boy did I really feel so alive.

And although I wish that moment could’ve lasted forever…

I now believe so firmly…that I can simply make that feeling appear again…

Any. Time. I. Want.

 

Look out world....let the living begin.

Thanks for reading,

    Monique

Day 3: 6.0 Speed Sprint

Hey Guys!

I had this amazingly horrible sob story of how I had all these obstacles yesterday trying to derail me from going to the gym, and yet I prevailed and went anyways….and I am here to tell you that all that changed after after I left the gym. It was such an awesome feeling of accomplishment that I forgot all about the crappy work shift that I had, the family issues that I took to work with me, etc. I just felt on top of the world, and forgot about what was below.

I obviously am not one of those people that can make you wait all the way until the very end for the fun stuff! Maybe some days, but not today! Anyways, I started running outside this past summer and was doing a Couch to 5K program that I downloaded from iTunes. I was doing pretty good, but I got Achilles tendonitis after like a month or so, and totally depressed, I took it easy for awhile. So on Monday when I went to the gym for my 30 minutes of cardio, I started that all over again. It was super boring and I don’t like the music at all, so waiting for the beep for the next interchange where I begin running was torture. So today, I decided that I would just run as I felt and listen to my body. For the first song, I felt a burning pain up my front shin and ankle, then by the end of the first song (maybe 4 minutes or so) the pain went away and I just felt like I should keep going until I couldn’t. But folks….I ran for 2 MORE SONGS without stopping to walk!!!! I know that may not be very long for some people, but for me, it was amazing. AND please keep in mind that I am totally jogging, not going at Olympic break neck speed (5.0 at 1% incline). I was just pretty darn proud of myself at that point. Then, my 30 minutes obviously was not still up. I remembered some stuff I watched from the Biggest Loser, but thought for several LONG moments as I reminded myself that Jillian was NOT here egging me on and screaming in my face, nor were my fellow BFFS running along side me as a 10 man medical crew waited in the rafters in case I busted my you know what. But I did want to push myself, so I ended up doing sprints at the end. Guys…I got up to one minute 6.0 SPEED sprints (that’s sprints with an s) at 0.5% incline!!!!! I have NEVER seen a 6 on the treadmill with me on it before in my life. I am so SUPER happy right now, that I could care less about the crappy work night that I had. Or the family drama that is going on. It just doesn’t matter right now. I just wanted to share that!

Yesterday was also my midweek produce run to the grocery store. I try to make a small trip midweek to get more fruits and veggies so that the ones we may buy on the weekend do not have to make it through to the next weekend and go bad. Especially since it is 14 degrees outside here in the Midwest, Farmer Joe is not down the block plucking fresh strawberries for me.

I LOVE how cheap this store is! Look at all I got for about $15!!!! I love budgets!

We cannot afford organic at this time in our life together, surely someday, but we definitely do what we can, when we can. We always have to make sure to wash well! Being cheap, not organic and all…a couple times we had a stowaway!!!

Food for my shift…

Don’t forget the spoon!

Another yummy breakfast!

I hope you guys had an amazing day like I did (at least one that ended well erasing all the crappiness from throughout). If not, hope today is better!

Thanks SO MUCH for reading,

      Monique

Running

Hey Folks!

So I'm pretty sure that I never mentioned that a few months ago, I tried to start a running habit. I started out really slow, and then I got up to a run/walk 2 mile route and was SUPER proud of myself. What was happening was that I was not stretching, and I stand on my feet for most of my ten hour shift. The combination of those two eventually led to having Achilles tendinitis...not so bad that I couldn't walk, yet it hurt pretty bad. I ended up not doing anything for a couple months just to stay off of it so that I would not have to take off time from work. Eventually the back of my heel pain subsided from a combination of stretches and icing daily. I also had to buy new shoes and orthotics...which cost me a combined horrendous $250. Yep, you read that correctly. So once the pain had finally kinda gradually went away mostly, I decided that it was time to start running again. So today, I ran outside for a 1 mile run/walk. No timing or anything. I just wanted to see how it felt. I could only go the half mile without stopping, but at least I got out there. That was waaay awesome! I then immediately came home and iced and stretched. Hopefully this will go away completely soon, so I can at least get back to my measly 2 miles and not get worse!

My Question to You: Have you ever had an injury due to exercise? How did you handle not being able to do what you wanted?