Hey guys,
Happy Valentine's Day :-)
Tonight as class just ended, I have a lot on my mind. I wonder over and over again on a daily basis how to handle achieveing a goal with such tenacity that it MUST involve the other people around me such as coworkers, friends and family. I have such a hard time wanting others to be excited about the things that I am excited about.
Lately I have been pretty excited about running, working out and eating healthy, and obviously my blog. I just can't seem to find a balance between being excited on my own for the sake of being happy, and wanting others to be just as excited as I am about something. Does that even make sense? It sounds weird writing it out.
Honesty time....
I feel obsessive, you know? Like all I can think about is my weight loss, school, running, trying to be "oh so positive about my PCOS and not being pregnant yet", etc. I feel like I am annoying the people around me.
Also like some people don't know how to handle my successes in losing every week and jealousy shows it's ugly face. In no way am I saying that I am so super awesome because I have had a loss every week for several in a row....trust that my day will come, folks...I am just saying that other people in my life that are not doing so well with their things may have a hard time dealing with someone like me who is doing ok. You know what I mean? I have this overwhelming sense of guilt that goes along with my struggle for balance with being obsessive.
So I think to myself....
Don't you HAVE to be a little bit obsessive in trying to achieve a goal? Everyone will notice that you are not eating what they are, that you want to make time for the gym, and that you need to study.
Do you HAVE to talk about it all the time? Surely these people are sick to death of hearing about your weight loss weigh-ins and seeing you write out everything that touches your mouth in your silly little sticker filled journal.
Are you feeling like you're better than others because you're losing and they're not?
Reality check, Honey....you were just there like 5 minutes ago..
...struggling to find the courage to get your butt to the gym
...struggling to be happy for other people who are announcing they're pregnancies
...struggling with eating pizza every freaking weekend and sneaking fast food in your car on the way to work, and them crying about it later when you gained back every single pound that you lost from the week before.
...crying because you were standing in your closet with only one thing out of all the things hanging there that would fit you at all
...jealous of people graduating because you have soooo many prereqs left and the list never seemed to end
I need to remember that having compassion is a way of life. I need to remember that not everybody understands the magnitude of changes that are happening in your life and can be as excited as I am. I need to feel that happiness for myself, hold it close and cherish it. Because it is a gift that I am giving to myself, that no one can take away. I am allowing others to steal my joy simply because they do not understand, and that's silly.
It will be ok. I just need to simmer down and keep quiet for a little while. These are my victories after all, right?
Do you ever have a hard time not thinking/talking about your goals? School, Fertility, Weightloss or Other??
Yep. I sure do. Because that is still how I define myself. I don't know that we ever get past that. Thanks for your honesty. Sorry it's a work week. Boo.
ReplyDeleteFirst, please don't think the fact that you are consistantly losing weight is NOT super awesome, it is....it's amazing because we all know the determination it takes to keep that up. Please don't downplay that achievement in your life, celebrate it!
ReplyDeleteI have struggled with these issues to and I took a class that talked about people around me not being supportive of my goals, especially BIG goals. Our coach told us your journey to success is like being on a bus. Your friends and family our welcome to get on the bus and support your journey or they can get off the bus but no matter what, that bus is moving forward with or without them. I used to downplay my success in business because people around me weren't supportive all the time and I felt like I was bragging if I talked about my success.
I've been told repeatedly that I'm setting my self up for failure having such high goals. One of those being weighing 145 lbs (even at 5'2" that's overweight) which would take me 55 lbs of overall weight loss.
You can do this, all of this! But please never filter you words or tone down your excitement level because it makes others uncomfortable. Let them be uncomfortable. You are awesome and you are doing great things, keep on doing it!
Hi Monique!
ReplyDeleteI am a new reader, and new to the blogworld in general...can't remember how exactly I found your page, but I am very glad I did! :)
I agree with everything Brandi said above me, and I really like the bus analogy. I am at a point where I am just now getting on my so-called bus with a few goals in mind.
I don't think you should tone down your successes. You seem like a very positive person, and I think people that are around you in real life should consider themselves lucky :) Hopefully they can view you as a source of knowledge and encouragement, and get on that bus with you!
I'm definitely an in-my-head kind of person, so I've always got things I'm obsessing over. I'm also pretty private, so only good friends get the whole story though.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I've learned in life is that other people (aside from great friends and family) aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. In other words, don't worry that they're annoyed by you. They might be momentarily, but then they're on to the next concern in their life. And this is exactly why you need to remain focused on your own goals and not change your attitude for anyone.
Yep, once again, I totally hear you! When I have something on my mind, it consumes me. I used to be that way (well, I'm still that way) about saving money and coupons. I would dream about it! And now, this is taking up a lot of space in my brain. But I love it!
ReplyDelete